NONO’S JOKE LIST SPECIAL FUN PRAYERS FOR NIGERIANS FOR THIS 2005 May your enemies struggle to hide their past like James Ibori, may they run helter skelter like Chris Ngige, and when they struggle, may they be frustrated like Chris Uba..." "In 2005, may you manage your enemies better than Audu Ogbeh". "May our lives not be as meaningless as Obasanjo's speeches and reforms. But may our happiness increase like fuel prices in Nigeria. I hope this is a "good wish".Have a wonderful day/Laugh Daddy, how was I born?" Dad answered: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said You've Got Male! Listen to this gist.....A Chinese man took his pregnant wife 2 the hospital 2 deliver. The wife gave birth 2 a black baby. The Chinese man was shocked and named the baby ;: SUM TIN RUNG. I saw two girls Naked at some place, the both had their cloths off. One had hairs on her pubic part and the other one had no hair. I then asked the one without hairs.. Why don't u have hairs? she said am stupid! HAVE U SEEN WHERE GRASS IS GROWING ON A BUSY ROAD Atiku reported IBB to OBJ and the following conversation ensured....... atiku : obj.... I dont know what is wrong with ibb,.. he does not call...... only sends text messages obj :..... I don t know why he behaves like that....... ok let me flash him a guy sayz to a lady: I want to have sex with you. the lady replies: my body is the temple of God. The guy waz amazed and he said ooh k, then let me worship god in your temple Obasanjo went to visit the devil when he got there the devil was sleeping so he taped the devil and the devil turned and saw his face and shouted BLOOD OF JESUS These streets remind me of quicksand (quicksand) When your on it you'll keep going down (going down) And there's none to hold on too And there's none to pull you out You keep on fall in (falling) And none can here you callin So you end up self destructing On the corner with the tuli on the waist tight just got outta the bring doin stay time Teeth marks on my back from the canine Dark Memories of when there was no sunshine Cause they said that I wouldn't make it (I remember like yesterday) Holdin on to what god gave me we now have a new pope. Sorry he is not a Nigerian, he is cardinal Rat zinger Benedict xvi) Despite the fact that Obasanjo sent Atiku and Anenih to rig the election it didn’t work Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. He admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven. The second man admitted to only an affair and was given a midsize car. The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car. A week later the three guys met in a parking lot. The man driving the luxury car began to cry. “What’s the matter?" "I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!" At the wedding at the valley of Cana, when Jesus turned water to wine, some Nigerians were present. The views: Yoruba: "O ga o! which kind magic be this one! abeg I no dey o. The guy fit change person to snake now, these people sha..." Hausa: "Kai! Megida Yesu, a change am to wine! abeg, a fit change am to KUNU?!!" Warri Boyz: "Bros Jay!!! u too MUSH (much)!!! u go fit change am to beer so? make we MAYA!!!" Ibo: "....dis na wine true true o! Nna Jesus, i go MARKET am!!! No worry about company name o, e go be CHIKE-NONO-JESUS & SONS!!!.... There lived three men named Chike, Nono, and Eric their where having some problems in their house so their want to see a native doctor and the native doctor told them on their way back home their should not talk so as the where go back home Chike said don’t forget the native doctor said we should not talk and Eric said u just talked and Nono said thank God I did not talk. Once upon a time there lived a young man whom married an old mama 90 years ten mounts later the delivered a bouncing baby boy two days later the baby died of expired milk. Attention: Court Orders!!!! I am so sorry to inform you that you have been accused of bombarding God with prayers! This is the Judge decision!!!!!!!You are hereby sentence to long life & prosperity with unstoppable enjoyment in your life time. No bail, No appeal. You have been labeled blessed and hereby detained in God's custody a guy writes home from school dad pls send some money situation critical suicides contemplated, dad reply son situation at home more critical suicides approved I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you -- we are in charge of our Attitude." Chike An American, a Japanese, and a Nigerian were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The American presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile I have a microchip in my hand." The Nigerian, feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do something just as impressive. He steps out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" "I'm getting a Fax," he explains. SEZ IS A SENSATION CAUSED BY A TEMPTATION WHEN I GUY PUTS HIS LOCATION IN A GIRLS DESTINATION TO INCREASE POPULATION FOR THE NEXT GENERATION YOU GET MY EXPLANATION OR DO U NEED A DEMONSTRATION Teacher: You Boy, spell plantain Boy: Whish one? The ripe one or the unripe one? Teacher: What difference does it make? Just spell plantain! Boy: Teasha, If you fry the ripe one na 'DODO', if you fry the unripe one na 'SHIPS' if you roast am, na 'BOLE' All of them na plantain, so whish one you wan make I spell?! A teacher once asked her student to draw a ram eating grasses as a test. when every body were submitting a particular guy dropped an empty shit. when she asked him he said he drew the ram but when the ram finished eating the grasses it ran away. he scored the highest mark. one day when all this cult runs full 9ja so dey get to invite one pastor from away to come for crusade. so this guy no dey speak english when him speak bla bla bla they go say amen, even whrn him say u fools, so the man code say people no dey understand am. the church get to bring an english and one nigerian interprter. when the guy start. pastor One day when Jesus was with his disciples and they where discussing runsman : one day when Jesus hook up with in men for westside they de pour orientation. pastor: then came the evil pharasis runsman: na so the witchmen de begin to dey show pastor: so peter brought out his machrt and sliced the ear of one man. runsman: na so peter rout out in macthet con fall the guy ear Pastor: then Jesus now concluded and said he who leaves by the sword will die by the sword: Runsman: na so Jesus vex rout out in own matchet con say na kpie kpie we go de kpie ourselves. A nigerian man named Okafor had just arrived in London and was starving from the long flight...so he decided to go to a nearby restaurant across the street from the Airport. On arriving at the restaurant, he was overwhelmed by all the formality with the seating arrangements and such. After about five minutes of toiling around trying to find a place to sit, a waitress walked up to him to assist him with place to sit and asked, "Excuse me sir are you finding everything ok and please be seated. Thanks for having lunch at our restaurant today, are you comfortable?" And the only response Okafor could think to answer her was this...."I no dey find anything except food and I no come for table, I came for rice and beans" once in a class of about 50 pupils a teacher asked: who can give me the comparative and the superlative form of good. OKON: good gooder goodest! TEACHER: What! OKON:What whater whatest! TEACHER! are u mad? OKON:mad mader madest! TEACHER: get out of my class! OKON: get out, get outer, get outest! A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide? the lady then explain she needed it to poison her husband. the pharmacist eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, i cant give you cyanide to kill ur husband! and that’s against the law and i will lose my license, they’ll throw the both of us in jail and all kind of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, u can not have any cyanide!" Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied," well now, you didn’t tell me you had a prescription. PRETTY GIRL WENT TO CHURCH, TO MAKE A CONFESSION TO A PRIEST, AND THE MAN ASKED HER WHAT IS THE MATTER SHE THEN SAID MY BOYFRIEND DID SOMETHING BAD TOM ME. THE PASTOR NOW KISSED HER AND SAID DID HE DO THIS TO U SHE SAID NO HE NOW PULLED OFF HER CLOTH AND SAID DID HE DO THIS TO .SHE SAID NO, HE NOW MADE LOVE TO HER AND SAID DID HE DO THIS TO U? SHE SAID NO, THEN HE NOW SAID WHAT IS THE THING HE DID TO U THAT IS MAKING U CRY, THEN THE GIRL SAID HE GAVE ME AIDS, THE PASTOR FAINTED
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